Im seeing red

I see red, i see green - my love feels completely unknown. Im pissed. I cant speak, i cant even reach this feels so pointless. It takes my God to calm me down, it take all of me to not walk away. For something so unimportant, for something so minor - im so broken, im so tired, im so emotionally overdrawn! God cant this be easy, cant this be just a walk? Why alone, why so long? Cant this be rushed? Cant this be pushed? Undesired, uninvolved, unlovable, unlived. Unlively, help me Lord to move on... if moving on is what you require. The answers spinning, the feeling of newness but nothing is beginning. Im hurt.